Balance

When drinking tea, there’s always those first few minutes when it’s too hot. You can barely sip it, the mug burns at your fingertips, and there is only the faintest hint of taste to the steaming liquid. And if you leave it a little too long then it starts to get lukewarm, and the over-infused flavour gets bitingly strong. However, in every cup there is that point where everything is just right, the leaves are perfectly steeped, the temperature is just cool enough so that you can slowly savor it, and it seems to glide down to warm you from the inside out.

It is that same feeling that I’m always try to achieve, not only while drinking tea, but also in life. The balance between boredom and chaos, between being ecstatic and heartbroken, between emptiness and overflow. I have always felt as though my internal scale has a very strong presence. When things tip too heavily in one direction, my mind and body defiantly try to overcompensate with an aim to settle in the middle.

For the last month, this idea of balance has been a subject of thought. I’ve been questioning it’s overall importance. Is the time spent trying to achieve the ultimate balance worth it? I strive to be happy, but I also strive to be successful. Would a full-blown effort to selflessly dedicate myself to the things I am passionate about give me a chance to achieve ultimate success? In a world where it’s easy to succumb to workaholic pressures, there is always an underlying sense of guilt. I could’ve pushed harder, spent longer, moved faster.

But something in me always has it’s foot hovering on the brakes. Slow can be powerful, in moderation. In balance.

In an effort to try and squeeze the most out of life, we often forget what makes a life worth living. Even a mug of the highest grade tea can’t be truly appreciated unless we practice patience and we take the time to find the perfect balance.

New

Jan 1. The time for the new, reinvention. It has more meaning this year. More than just a chance to make an annual declaration and a multitude of plans ridden with high hopes.

This year it comes with big change. Bittersweet. New. Overwhelming. Although I’m holding onto the lining of silver, I can’t help but see the mountain before me.

All the more reason to have a solid platform to help me put one foot in front of the other. A guide. Silver, sparkling and inspiring.

For the past two years I have chosen 2 words. It gives me enough freedom to interpret success at all scales. 2009 I chose action and time. 2010 was about being open and practicing follow-through. This year I am building upon all of those words to choose curiosity and strategy. An unlikely pairing. But I am already excited about the way they play off one another.

Curiosity means making a proactive point to engage with new activities, people and ideas. Alongside this, making note of why I’m hesitant to trying certain things. Throwing my self-imagined caution to the wind.

Strategy means creating a structure (plan, deliver, review & reflect) to manage my curiosity to ensure I’m getting the most out of my experiences. An attempt to make goals (something new to me) and drive forward to achieve them.

It’s going to be a challenging year, different, filled with new experiences. However I must remember that just because something is new, doesn’t mean that I need to forget and lose sight of the past. There is too much richness there to throw away.

Passive

 

Passivity. There’s something protective and comfortable about it. With minimal engagement there’s minimal risk of getting hurt, getting proven wrong, of being judged. It serves as a soft barrier cushioning the blow of the hardships in life. But it also prevents from fully experiencing that which is exhilarating, breathtaking, and beautiful. It’s time to strip down, get naked and face the elements with bare confidence.

Hesitation

I do it all the time. When making purchases. When finding the right word to say. When choosing what flavor of ice cream I want. It comes down to choices, and how long it takes to make them. And seemingly more important, what other people with think of those choices.

This week I’m going to sit back and observe my own daily decision process. The influence other people have and the effect on the quality of the outcome.

On a somewhat related note:
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/tim_brown_on_creativity_and_play.html

Happiness

1/3 women on the planet will be raped or beaten in their lifetime. That’s a pretty powerful statement.

Recently I watched a 2006 TED talk on happiness by Eve Ensler http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/eve_ensler_on_happiness_in_body_and_soul.html

For anyone who knows me, talking about sex or using the v-word makes me pretty squeamish (which made watching the first half of the video a little uncomfortable). The second half brought me to tears.

One quote from this talk really stuck with me:

“Happiness exists in action. It exists in telling the truth and saying what your truth is. And it exists in giving away what you want the most”

As general members of society it seems we are taught a certain way to find ultimate happiness. But for me, it is an ever evolving concept. I enjoy hearing other peoples’ criteria and formulas towards achieving it, in confidence that one day I will be able to shape a version of life happiness to call my own.

Window Shopping

Love to most people means being in a relationship. Finding that other person, being unafraid to stare deep into their eyes, to savor their playful touch, and swoon with one simple kiss. As an undercover hopeless romantic, it is not to say that this isn’t part of what constitutes love. But there is another type. One that comes from unexpected sources.

Over a month ago I did a sporadic photoshoot on Valentines Day around the city trying to photograph objects, colours and moments that I felt captured the spirit of the holiday (http://flickr.com/photos/amberellis/sets/72157613813087690/) Some were literal representations, but others just simply gave me a good feeling. However it was one photo in particular that comes along with a story that made me smile.

I was walking down King St. E past a line of closed boutiques and restaurants. The street felt somewhat empty and only served to emphasize my growing feeling of loneliness spurred on by the connotation of the holiday. Glancing through one of the windows, my eyes fell upon a beautiful heart pendant hanging on a silver chain. Glimmering in fading sun I attempted to capture the intricate detail on its surface, paying no heed to the fact that there might be somebody watching me behind that same pane of glass.

Suddenly a friendly yet unfamiliar face pokes through the door and asks if I want to look at the necklace I’ve been taking pictures of for the last 5 minutes. Slightly embarrassed but with no reason to protest I enter inside a small quirky shop filled with an assortment of crafted items. Right in the middle of the room the woman and her male companion had set up a simple wooden table and chairs adorned only by a bottle of wine, two glasses and sliced cheese. Feeling like an intruder on an otherwise romantic evening between the two I attempt to leave. But the woman is persistent that I remain in their company and starts telling me the story of her shop.

She tells me of the local artist who produces hand crafted pottery, the retired scientist who makes clocks out of discarded computer parts and CDs, the woman who sells jeweled scarves made by girls in India raising awareness for violence against women. She then turns my attention towards some of the other pendants made by the same jewelry maker who had designed the piece that had initially captured my attention in the first place. They were beautiful, each with their own individual character and coloured beads. But I knew it was the one in the window that I would go home with.

Digging in my camera bag for my wallet, I find out that they only sell for cash. Coming up $5 short I apologize to the woman, disappointed that couldn’t buy the piece. She told me not to worry, and that I could come by again in the next couple of days to drop off the remaining balance.

I was touched by this strangers pleasant and trusting good nature, and that she was able to open her heart and her shop to me on that day. It was exactly what I needed to realize that love doesn’t only come from heart toting teddy bears, boxes of chocolates, and rose bouquets. It comes also from the art of sharing with other human beings. To me this was somewhat ironically captured in the heart shaped necklace that I can now wear around my neck as a reminder of this moment.

The boutique/cafe also serves as a meeting space for book readings, discussions, and other artistic pursuits. It’s called The Danish Connection at 402 King St. E. I suggest you check it out.

25 Things

Although somewhat cheesy, I thought composing 25 random things about myself was an appropriate first post. 

This action was spurred on by a chain letter type note that I was tagged in on Facebook. The instructions were as follows:

“The Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged…If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.”

Tagging aside, I thought this was a fun little excercise to divulge in some secret, or not so secret things about me.

So here goes, in no particular order….

1. I love food. Eating it, preparing it, sharing it
2. I read horoscopes and look up the meaning of my dreams (lets me believe that there’s a little mystery left in the world)
3. I like to find the beauty in everything, whether it be an abandoned playground or a rusted nail
4. I love to sing in the shower or in my apartment… alone, but never in public (karaoke is my worst nightmare)
5. I value integrity and detest hypocrisy
6. I cry in movies/tv shows at the really sad/happy parts
7. I have trouble finishing things 
8. My favourite colour changes bi-weekly
9. I like alot of things but have very few favourite things (see #8) 
10. I think that helping people is one of the most fulfilling acts, and something I don’t do often enough
11. I love being outside; sunshine, forest paths, oceans, crunchy snow, fall leaves…
12. I am an idealist and perfectionist
13. I rationalize almost everything I do
14. I never paint my toes or finger nails
15. I sometimes snort if I laugh too hard
16. I am an INFP (Myer’s Briggs)
17. I wish I could play a musical instrument (grade 8 clarinet doesn’t count)
18. I hate following instruction books and usually try to figure things out on my own
19. I do believe things happen for a reason
20. I am a recent Mac convert
21. I buy cups and plates individually so that they are all different
22. I am a hell of a procrastinator
23. I would rather be too cold than too hot
24. I want to save the world some day

And in true Amber fashion, on my original Facebook reply, I posted my 25 things with only 24 items. For anybody who knows me well it would make sense to add…

25. I am forgetful. Period.

Hopefully you learned something. Please share and comment with your own 25 things.